I come and go as I please...

apparently i feel like i can just waltz in and out of your lives - to whoever actually reads my posts - and i'm sorry! i dont know who i think i am right now, but it will stop... hopefully.
i have so much to write about, i haven't been able to vent in so long! okay so i had to reread some posts to figure out where i'm at with yall. moto and i broke up, i started talking to this guy from irvine, ca. he was a nice guy, but we were too different. after him, i dated here and there... nothing serious, just having fun.. then BAM! he hit me like a ton of bricks - not literally - he was one of the most gorgeous guys my eyes have ever seen. looks are a huge factor, but they're not everything. this guy was chivalrous, he was romantic, he was suave, he was a cowboy - enough said. we went on a date, then another and another and another, back to back, day by day, we wanted to see more and more of each other. well, that was a month ago and i'm happy to report that we are still in our honey moon stage. i kid you not, every single day is better than the last. he asked me to be his girlfriend on our 3rd date and it's been heaven ever since. i was always the type to think people who got married after knowing each other a few weeks were crazy but now i know what love like that feels like. it's amazing. i'm on cloud 9. we both know that we're going to end up getting married to each other, it's inevitable. so with that said, meet Sean xo

till next time!

it's called a break up cuz it's broken

everyone can relate to the aching feeling your heart gets after a break up. it's one of the worst feelings in the world, but it won't kill you. you're supposed to fall in love and fall out of love a couple times in your life, it's what makes finding the right one worth it.

i am currently going through a heartbreak. actually, i've been going through this break up for a while now but it finally all came to an end. i'm struggling even writing this because i really thought this was going to be it for me, i was going to marry moto and live our lives the best we could. it's not until after we broke up that i realized he wasn't the one for me, my mind was blinded by love - so cliche, but it's true - and i wasn't seeing the guy everyone else was. if your family and friends are begging you to leave the guy you're with, he's probably not the right guy for you. when everyone around you can see the reason you love your partner and they encourage the relationship, that's healthy. i wasn't in a healthy relationship and i kept saying to myself 'it's going to get better' over and over again. reality is, it never did and it never was going to. i was holding on to hope that someone was going to change for me and i didn't want to realize that what i saw was what i got.
so, i got some words of wisdom from the last place i ever thought i'd learn anything from, a reality show. girls are always searching for closure and the thing we don't realize is that closure doesn't mean going to your ex and talking to him one last time or anything of that sort. closure is between you and yourself. so this show pretty much said to write a letter to your ex, get out everything you have inside of you; your feelings, the pain, the happiness, then either tie it to a balloon and let it go, or burn the letter. when you let go of everything you had, you're making room for happiness to come in.

i'm going to try that because i do feel like i have a lot held in and i just want to let everything go and start something new. if any of you are going through a break up or have advice, feel free to share with me because i can sure use it.

Relationships 101.

So last night Justin called me at one in the morning to keep him company on his drive home. Being the good girlfriend that I am (toot, toot) I talked to him till he got home, while he watched The Bachelor (his guilty pleasure) rerun, and all the way up until he was sleep talking to me. I definitely slept through my alarm this morning and missed my first class, whoops!
That's besides the point though, I did make it to my favorite class ever and the whole time I was in there I couldn't wait to share with you all what I learned!


My Human Sexuality class is, hands down, the best class ever! Today we discussed how to communicate with your partner about your needs in your relationship and I want to share some of this information with you!

Here are seven ways to effectively give criticism:

1. Be aware of your motivation. 
In a nut shell, if your intention is to hurt, humiliate, ridicule or 'get even' with your partner, STOP. Be able to control yourself and get over the anger before confronting the problem. 


2. Choose the time and place.
Don't bring up the problem if you're in public (this is a personal problem between the both of you, the whole world doesn't need to be involved), if both of you are at your peak of anger (with anger comes the need to be defensive and in doing that, you build a stone wall against your partner), if time is limited (this problem is an important one and can't be solved in a matter of minutes), if either partner is stressed, preoccupied or under the influence. 
I know, now you're probably thinking 'Well when is the right time to talk?' and the answer could be to simply set a date. 
Tell your partner that you want to discuss a problem or concern thats been bothering you and you would appreciate it if you could set aside a time to talk about it. 
Remember: this is a person you love.


3. Temper criticism with genuine praise.
Nobody likes to feel attacked. This could easily place someone in a defensive mood and shut out everything you're trying to tell them. Start your conversation with a compliment (For example, 'It means a lot to me that you were willing to talk about this with me...' 'Thank you for taking the time our of your day to discuss this with me...'). After, let them know what's bothering you in an effective way. Don't make the other person feel as if they don't do anything right, just simply state your concerns. When you're done, compliment them on the things they've done right up until this point. It will encourage them to continue and help them understand your needs. 


4. Nurture small steps toward change.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Just because you tell your partner to wash the dishes one time doesn't mean they will do it now and forever. Everyone needs to be reminded of things. Don't be afraid to remind each other of what you talked about.


5. AVOID 'WHY' QUESTIONS.
"Why do you always argue with me?" "Why don't we have more sex?" "Why don't you ever let me initiate?" 
Why questions can easily become excuses instead of solving the problem. When you feel the urge to ask 'why' change it into a statement. 

For example: 

"Why don't you ever let me initiate?" ---> "I want to initiate."

"Why aren't you more romantic?" ---> "I want you to be more romantic."

6. Limit to ONE criticism at a time. 

Not one and a half, not two, ONE. This is very important. You can easily overload your partner when you start naming off a list of everything you want them to change. Things will go in one ear and out the other. Nagging isn't an effective way to communicate. Stick to one fault and talk about it until it's resolved. If you have other issues, set another date to talk to them about it. Time and patience is a virtue. 

7. Express negative emotions appropriately. 

If you feel a lot of anger building up and you just can't take it anymore, ask for 5 minutes. If they continue to follow you, demand 5 minutes. If your partner won't give you that, then that's another thing you have to talk about. 

"I need 5 minutes because I'm very angry"

"I need 5 minutes because I'm about to cry"

It's not your partners job to calm you down, those are YOUR emotions and you have to take responsibility for them. Calming yourself down by taking a breather is perfectly normal. 

It's fine to postpone a talk if you get really upset or emotional about it, but when you set the next date be prepared to discuss the problem. 

I know some of you are shy and scared to talk about things with your partner, but remember that growth doesn't come from a feeling of safety. It comes from taking risks. This is a person you love and a person that loves you in return. It will only make you stronger.

I hope this helps some of you because it did wonders for me!

Happy Tuesday my lovely followers!

XO